I don’t know god plan but I think there is a reason why he puts me on current situation.
I think I will give up but there is nothing to live for if I give up now.
I am going to battle, I am going to enemy territory, to enemy land, my ship has been burn, no way to retreat to goes back home. I am either gain victory or accept total destructions. no in between
I am ready for it this is my battle, this is my important battle to win in overall war I withstand againt life itself.
Life is war, everything in it is a battle, I don’t know the answer why but what I know is this feeling of uneasiness or Buddha may called it suffering is constant, never really leave me.
How I suppose react to this, everything I see is duality, nothing good nor bad. every happy feeling is follow by sorrow, everything nice in life is goes back to destruction.
sometimes I wonder, why didn’t God make life only for the good? Can’t He make everything possible for us? so why he makes suffering?
Probably I will never find the answer in this lifetime or maybe I could someday find it in future.
the point is I don’t know right now and have no capacity for my mind to comprehend this all.
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